I’ve done my best to be without them, but despite their drawbacks it’s only fair on my family and myself that I continue to take them every day. My difficulty with my own mental health has always been with me, although I was less aware years ago. It’s part of the way I am and has shaped the way I live and work.

This table top carved in lime with an Brown Oak surround was to be the first of a number of pieces made in this way (I hope).  It has wave like forms with water like texture carved by hand.  It was then gilded with copper and floated flat with a hard levelling lacquer polished all flat and shiny…… That’s the idea anyway.

Light and shade work together in carving to bring life to an object.  It’s easy to control on a piece of timber, using a few hand tools and some side lighting.  Easy to present an image in the way that you would like.

In life, light and shade is much more difficult for me to manage.  Too much of one or the other, or worse, the confusion of both at once.  If that last is difficult to comprehend then you are some way to understanding the desperation mood disorders can have.

I like the Gilding.  I used copper not gold as I have seen copper seas through low sun and cloud.  The metal gives reflection to the light and shade of the carving giving yet more life.

The top was never finished.  There was a problem with the size I used to bond the copper to the Lime, I had made a last minute decision to change to a different size for ease of use over a large area; had I used the one I have always used before I would have been fine…..

It’s ok, It’s a lot of work but not wasted.  I know my process better now and can make all the other little improvements along the way next time, as well as understanding properly my materials.

One of the interesting things about depression as I know it is that you don’t get depressed about things that happen, it is (at least in my case) something that just comes from within, without any apparent reason.

If I were to follow sense of good business I would surely present myself in only the best of lights, but in truth, I think that is what is wrong with modern advertising and presentation.  We all know that we are not infallible, a great old boatbuilder once told me “em who’s never made a mistakes never made nuffin.” and a successful and talented artist friend of  mine recently assured me that “canvass burns well….”

I’ll finish my table and it will be better for it.  I didn’t make it as a parable for my thoughts, I made it because I thought it would be nice, but I do use my work to help me cope with, and understand my own life.

JJ.